All I can think about is watching the sunset with a glass of something sweet.
Then we slow dance our way inside where you let me read your palms and you attempt to read mine. The florescent light from the kitchen bathes us in yellow and we slow dance in our bare feet on the cool tile.
The forever-present weight on my chest finally doesn’t feel so threatening and I can breathe right now with you. Tomorrow can dance before my eyes and I can sigh with a soft comfort in the safety of your arms.
Somehow we make it up the stairs and fall into old dreams still lingering in our sheets. Our fingers intertwine and we lose sense of who is who and all I know is I’m complete.
All I can think about is our love.
When you grasp for straws, how do you take hold when they’re covered in oil?
Everything good right there, even in arms reach and yet seemingly unable to retrieve. So close but unable to have in your possession; a painful yearning in your blood for something you just can’t hold onto.
That is the dilemma, the problem, the obstacle, and the heartbreak of wanting what you can’t have. And, boy, does it sting like a bitch.
All I had wanted was someone to be gentle with me
Make me feel worthwhile, and lovely
And… And I had that
I had you and all of your laughter
All of your smiles and soft glances
Those quiet kisses and lingering touches
But it is always that you don’t know what you have
Until it’s all gone
Even then I had wanted more
I wanted more of your time and
More of your thought space
I wanted more of your skin and more of your eyes
I wanted more of the beauty in your mind
I had just what I had wanted but I still wanted more
And I guess this world is all or nothing because
I gave it all up
You can’t demand what someone cannot give
If they want to they struggle and always end up loosing
And you could never win anyway
Why can’t we just be happy with what we have?
Because now I have nothing
My emotions are raw and
I’m having a little trouble
Figuring out if I just want someone
Or if I want to love someone
And how can I feel so hot to the
Touch when I feel so cold
I feel this need to be full and I am ravenous. There’s something missing in this black pit of me so I drink words in gulps and filter in music just the same.
The window to my right alerts me to the world outside, but as empty as I am I feel no desire to exit. I only need to be filled with words, even if there never seems to be enough. No mountain of letters could fill me up but I try anyway – even creating my own to try to stop this aching hunger in some way.
The world outside is black and cold and empty and entirely fake. I devour worlds through the words of others to see something more but still I am empty. Nothing leaves me satisfied for very long so I consume and consume.
This is my empty head. And this is my empty soul. I live worlds by the paragraphs and still I have not adventured enough. Still I am not satisfied. Still I am not full.
Still I want and still I starve.
She found my box of puzzle pieces and asked me why I had them. I smiled to myself and held the box close to me – I didn’t tell her why.
Only a few times since had she asked me again, but still I told her nothing. I just smiled that same secret smile and she would stop asking. Time went by and I collected one piece after the other, the box slowly filling up.
My collection grew but she knew I wouldn’t say anything so she just watched it accumulate. She just watched me continuously collect.
I finally told her why I had the pieces when she found me fingering through them with a strange look on my face. She crouched next to me and asked me once last time why I had all of those missing pieces.
“Because,” I told her, “I want to have someone’s missing piece.”