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Tag Archives: change

Fake it ’til you make it.

We break and
We fold and
We change
Everything we ever were
For the chance to
Be believed in, to
Be found, to
Be loved
And it hurts
But we smile and
We laugh and
We say,
“I’m okay,”
Because the truth hurts and
Fake it ‘til you make it,
But all I want to know is:
Will I ever make it?

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Not in California Anymore

 

john-churchman-sudden-snow-flurry

 

Sleet floods down and in that winter flurry she doesn’t miss the sun.

The California hills held nothing for her, only make-up and the corrupt righteousness of fake faces and sick, empty smiles.

In this place with the wind beating on the roof and the lights threatening to give out, she knows she would take this over anything she knows as familiar. Snowflakes pour from the skies and with each one she hopes her sense of familiar will change.

It may not be as perfect as her crossed fingers hoped for, but feeling good isn’t a sin and the smiles are at least real.

She’ll pile on blankets and curl up real right, use the real fireplace that burns with wood, and she feel more at home here than in those California hills.


We Change

Suddenly – it’s always suddenly – something shifted. I was looking at you, but I wasn’t at the same time. It’s like I could see your face, but not who you were. Not anymore.

My mouth closed, no more words being screamed. My eyes dried, no more tears to gush out. My heart paused, almost surprised at the sudden tiredness of it all. The exhaustion set in.

I think you could feel the air around us change. I could see the twitch in your brow, I could see – something – change in your eyes. Then you looked almost worried. Is that it? The way your mouth turned, and your chin, and your eyes…

I could see your mouth move. Come back.

But I didn’t say anything back. Just silence.

Don’t leave me.

But I did.

Because I didn’t know you anymore, and I didn’t know me.

Please.

I didn’t even say good-bye.


funny how words can change you.

You looked at me and it’s like my skin felt too big

Your words echoed in my ears and it sounded like bombs going off

My bones shifted and shrunk, until I was two inches tall

Before I could fit into a crack, you spat your words like daggers

And one by one they pierced my skin, into my blood, into my organs

Nothing was left intact


Sandcastles

She uses the sands of time to build sand castles

With the past she builds the foundation

With the future she builds the walls

Every time the future shifts and changes,

She adds a little concrete

And it’s a little harder to get any change out of her

So when you tell her it’s okay to break those walls

To change a little bit for you,

Know she’s already made changes she never chose

And you’ll have to bring a few hammers with you

And don’t forget the elbow grease –

It won’t be easy


When I said I missed you

I remember telling you I missed you

While you laid next to me

And I remember you telling me you were right there

But all I did was smile and shake my head

And then I told you I missed you

So you held me in your arms.

When I told you I missed you

I was telling that to your back

When you were walking away,

I was telling that to your face

When I hadn’t seen you in days

So when our hands were tied up and so were our legs

And I was telling you I missed you

I wasn’t telling you then that I missed you

I was telling the you that walked away

I was telling the warmth that left

And the arms that used to hold and comfort me so

Because now when you’re so far away

And I can only spy you from over here

I go back to those times and wish you could hear me then


Kiss me, Kill me

She told me she loved me

Then she rearranged all of my pieces

To fit her sharp edges

And I thought we would fit together so well

But then I started to bend back,

Her sharp edges impaled my softness

While I bled all over the floor

I told her I loved her

But she told me she could never love

What I had become