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Stained Glass Windows

I can smile as though none of this phases me
I can even watch you day-to-day and act like
Nothing ever happened, like we never happened

When you walk by I can keep my eyes away from you
and pretend I don’t feel your very presence in the room
And I can breathe with ease, as though you’re not suffocating me

From time-to-time I can let your hands touch me
and try not to miss you afterwards
And I can not call you the next day
telling you how much my heart aches missing you

But when you call me these names
and when you still touch me when I want you
my heart becomes engulfed in flames
And the very essence of me gets burned to ashes

Sometimes I hate you, sometimes I hate myself
but I’m learning how to like who I am
and I’m still learning how to not love you

Neither one are easy.

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