You can put on makeup and dress yourself however you want to. You can smile wide and laugh loudly, because it’s all for you, isn’t it? You can tell yourself you don’t care about catching someone’s eye and that you don’t give a shit, but you’re also the only one you’re with at night.
In the darkness of your room with the lights off, beneath the sheets is where you find lies in your daily mantras. You can shine all day long for no one else but you, but how does it feel when the only arms you get to feel, are your own?
Maybe the silence hurts a little. Maybe the empty bed kind of feels like sand sometimes. Maybe not only do you miss him, but now you miss anyone.
Now it doesn’t only hurt because he’s not there, now it hurts because no one is there.
And maybe when I put a little bit of makeup on my face and wear those bras with a little extra and smile and laugh like there’s nothing inside me that feels a little off, maybe I do want to catch someone’s eye.
Maybe I want someone else but myself to hold me at night.
Maybe I want to hold someone other than me.
Maybe… Maybe I am a little lonely.