Usually my heart feels too big. Too much. But sometimes my heart feels too small. Too overwhelmed and incapable.
Sometimes I forget it’s okay to feel whatever it is I’m feeling.
Often I forget it’s okay to hurt.
There’s a poison in my mind that tells me I shouldn’t feel certain ways and I shouldn’t feel hurt and I shouldn’t feel alone and I shouldn’t feel this or that. I guess it’s not really about forgetting it’s okay to feel, but remembering that I don’t have to feel ashamed for it.
Because, my goodness, sometimes I am so ashamed of it.
I guess this is my secret. This dark box kept in the back of my mind and in some corner of my heart.
I am absolutely disgusted by the way I feel ashamed for how I feel.
My heart is constantly breaking. This emptiness in my heart is constantly shoving reminders in my face about how it’s there.
And I hate that I feel bad about it.
There’s too much I feel bad about.
I just want to feel good again.