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My Secret

Usually my heart feels too big. Too much. But sometimes my heart feels too small. Too overwhelmed and incapable.

Sometimes I forget it’s okay to feel whatever it is I’m feeling.

Often I forget it’s okay to hurt.

There’s a poison in my mind that tells me I shouldn’t feel certain ways and I shouldn’t feel hurt and I shouldn’t feel alone and I shouldn’t feel this or that. I guess it’s not really about forgetting it’s okay to feel, but remembering that I don’t have to feel ashamed for it.

Because, my goodness, sometimes I am so ashamed of it.

I guess this is my secret. This dark box kept in the back of my mind and in some corner of my heart.

I am absolutely disgusted by the way I feel ashamed for how I feel.

My heart is constantly breaking. This emptiness in my heart is constantly shoving reminders in my face about how it’s there.

And I hate that I feel bad about it.

There’s too much I feel bad about.

I just want to feel good again.

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