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Hypocritical

I think it’s kind of funny, how our appreciation for people often come out when it’s too late to do any good.

“God, can’t you just picture that smile? Didn’t you just love that smile?”

“Oh, I loved what he had to say! He was brilliant. I would have read books by him just to know more.”

All the while they’re gone possibly, very possibly, by their own hand. It’s like we don’t see the sadness right in front of us. We don’t see how those we think will always be with us, will always be by our side, need more than what they get. God, you love them so much. So much. Surely they know. Surely they know how so many love them. But often, they don’t.

And isn’t it kind of funny that we know how hard it is just to wake up in the morning? That we know just how hard it is just to get up, brush those teeth, maybe put on makeup or brush your hair, and yet, nothing. So caught up in us, in the we that we see in the mirror that, why, no one could ever feel this way, either! No one could possibly know how this feels! They smile too much to be sad. But, you smile, too, don’t you?

But it’s too much to say something nice. To actually show that you have a heart because someone could so easily trample it. It’s not normal to be nice, is it? No. That’s too soft. So we’ll keep all of those lovely words until their gone, and, oh, how much it hurts to miss them.

You can imagine the people I have stored away in my mind. The faces in picture frames or on television screens. Pictures in black and white or in color.

But don’t we know that often the people who smile the brightest are the most hurt? Don’t we know that those who laugh so loud, so hard, or want the best for everyone, often struggle the most?

My selfish thought is that I wish I wasn’t such a hypocrite.

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2 responses to “Hypocritical

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