I don’t know how they call me “strong” when I’m hanging by my fingertips ready to let go. I’m getting so tired just hanging here on this ledge and I don’t know what’s keeping me hanging on. So tired of looking in the mirror and seeing someone I don’t know, so tired of looking in the mirror to see a shadow staring back at me.
And isn’t it just a little selfish to keep me here? Isn’t it a little selfish to keep me so sad, so unbearably sad?
The “c” word has been lingering in the back of my mind and I want that like I wanted it before. I want the escape without the blame.
And how am I “strong” when I think like this? How am I loved when I am this way?
I don’t want pity and I don’t deserve a sweet love like honey that leaves a bitter taste on my tongue.
Maybe I want to be the shadow. Maybe I want to slip into the cracks and be forgotten. Maybe I want to not affect anyone else because no one deserve that. No one willing to love me deserves any of the pain that I cause.
Why am I so broken?