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Disconnected.

Watching everyone go on about their lives, it’s a nice feeling. They’re still moving and breathing and living; not letting whatever hardships in their lives pull them down or stunt their growth process, no matter the age. I assume we’re all aware that even as you age you still grow – whether it is in the mind or with ears or noses (as I’m pretty sure those never stop growing).

But even as I watch the world continue to spin and people continue to walk about, not constantly haunted by their past, I’m not quite sure how they do it. I suppose I, myself, am walking about, growing and living, but even so, am I the only one having troubles? Am I the only one constantly having to remind myself that I have a job to do and people that depend on me? That if I don’t rise out of bed in the morning, I will seriously impair others? Being in the military kind of makes that a reality. If I don’t get up in the morning, not only will there be at least one person calling me or knocking on my door, but someone will more than likely get in trouble, along with me.

So I get up because I have to and I know the consequences of if I don’t, but I wonder if I would still continue to rise out of bed in the morning if I didn’t have that weighing over my head every day – if I didn’t have anyone that would get chewed out or if I wouldn’t have anyone chewing me out for just deciding not to move.

I run on military-made batteries. I just wonder what happens when they run out; will they be replaced, recharged, or would I just stop functioning?

My mind and my heart and my body are tired. My mind and my heart and my body want to stop.

How do you do it?

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2 responses to “Disconnected.

  • versesofsincerity

    I get out of bed each and every morning because I love me. People love me, even though, its only just a few people. I make people smile and laugh and I guess that’s enough for me. I love that I’m alive. My parents gave birth to a beautiful human being and I was put here for a reason. And although I’m not sure what that is yet, I’m still very happy that I am alive. You are super lucky to be in the military. You are apart of that great 1 percent. You defend our country. You help so many people in so many ways. You owe it to yourself to keep going no matter the troubles.
    On another note, I’m back. I missed you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when and if you ever needed me.

    • missiestephie

      OMFG you’re back! I missed you sooooo much! Nice to see you around again. I’m just… I’m glad to see that you seem to be doing better.
      I really appreciate your comment.

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