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Maybe I want too much…

I want something I can’t have; I want the world in my palms. I want to feel good inside and out and I want to hold and be held by someone. But not just any someone – someone who actually gives a shit.

But what I want most is to not be afraid. I want to love unconditionally someone who I don’t think would ever hurt me. I don’t want to keep my heart in a cage so it will be safe, but I can’t find the key. And I haven’t found anyone who has it, either.

We’re all a little messed up, I think. But I don’t want to be too much to handle. I want someone messed up and I want someone to want me for me and all my mess ups. I don’t want someone emotionally untouched because then he wouldn’t understand me. I want someone as fucked up as I am because then maybe I’d be able to know exactly what’s going on with him.

I don’t want to guess about if he even likes me, or if he’s just bored. I want him to know what hurt is so he knows that we’ve been through the same things. I want someone real because he’s just as sick of the fake as I am. I want someone who won’t lie to me, even if it hurts my feelings. It’s the lies that break you, not the truth. Because then that means they didn’t think you could handle it; it means they thought you were weak.

I’m not made of stone or ice. I come off cold because I want to see if you’ll care enough to get anything warm out of me. I’m not dead inside, I care. I care maybe too much. But I won’t stop even if I’m not cared about. Because I know what that feels like and no one deserves that.

So I just want to love and be loved by someone who can handle me, someone who can take me flaws and make them beautiful. And I want to do the exact same. I want to make someone feel loved and cared for, and I want to let someone know that their scars don’t bother me because I have my own.

I don’t want to fear showing myself. I want to know it won’t change a thing.

 

love

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4 responses to “Maybe I want too much…

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